Californians Hoping Hurricane Will Wash All Poop Off Sidewalks

Citizens of California are holding out hope that flooding from Hurricane Hilary will wash off the massive amounts of poop clinging to the state’s sidewalks. “Fingers crossed,” said Sacramento resident Kevin Ross. “Bring on the floods, baby!”

While concerned about safety, many locals believe a good, strong hurricane could be the best thing that ever happened to California. “We need a reset button,” said sanitation worker Stephen Childers. “All day we scrub poop off the sidewalk, but you can’t scrub fast enough. I don’t want anyone to get hurt by the storm, I’m not cheering for an Old Testament-level flood – but maybe half of that would be good.”

With reports coming in that the hurricane has begun to weaken, many Californians have begun work constructing dams to funnel the rainwater towards San Francisco. “The Lord is giving us a chance, now it’s up to us to take it,” said Bay Area woman Jessica Long. “Can you imagine being able to walk down the street and smell – well – nothing? Time to keep digging.”

At publishing time, cities across California were asking residents to dump all available soap onto the streets in preparation.